Duckie Dearest
by S'revan
Summary: Let's take a closer look at Mousse, shall we? What if everything isn't as it seems?
1. Duck no More

Standard disclaimers apply

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Duckie Dearest

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Mousse was not a happy duck. He was a very happy man. In fact, he was happy because he would never be a duck again.

He would be a woman instead. This didn't bother him as much as it did Ranma, because his tribe valued men who would become women more than simple men. It was one of the reasons Cologne took after Ranma a cautiously and courteously as she did. Since Ranma could become female, he was more than just breeding stock.

Mouse was celebrating his god luck by taking a break even though Shampoo was not there to give him an excuse. She was off bugging Ranma, that was true, but he wasn't supposed to know that.

Cold water hit him. "Get back to work, Mr. Part..." The old woman trailed off when, instead of the expected duck, she saw a strange girl with dark hair the mossy color between brown and green. The girl turned to her and took of the thick glasses, looking directly at her.

Elder Ku Lohn, she said in perfect Chinese.

Cologne relaxed. It's good to see you back to normal, Mu Tsu.

"It's good to be normal again, Honored Elder." Mousse stretched and made a face when her back popped. "I got what I wanted."

"So I see. Normally, we would punish you for this, but I think you've helped Xian Pu's cause enough that that can be waived."

"I'm glad to hear it."

There was something added in her tone of voice -- an extra confidence -- that made Cologne pause. Mousse had been chafing under the women's thumb for a long time, it seemed. "Perhaps you would like to live as a woman?"

"If you wish it."

"What do you wish?"

Mousse shrugged. "Frankly, the idea of having a husband makes me gag." She shot Cologne a look. "I only wanted some respect, Elder. I don't wish to leave my place."

Then again, maybe there wouldn't be a problem after all. "An excellent response, child."

Mousse's eyes widened.

"Yes, I am. I think, having been her friend for so long, you will do very well supporting Xian Pu as her half-sister."

"Thank you, Elder."

"Grandmother."

"Grandmother," Mousse repeated. "Thank you so very much, Grandmother."

"You're welcome, child. No get back to work."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Yo, Duck-boy!"

Mousse turned calmly. "What is it, Ranma?"

Ranma had been intending to provoke a fight, but he saw that this time at least Mousse would not respond. He tried another tack. "Wanna spar?"

Mousse smiled. "I'm sorry, but not right now. If you beat me, there will be interesting complications."

"Not a fight," Ranma said. "Just to spar."

"And why would you wish to spar, Saotome? You know that I am nowhere near your skill."

"Yeah, well, Ryoga's lost, Pop's in the hospital, and I'm mad at the girls."

"I see." Mousse smiled. "If you wish to spar, then, by all means, let us do so. But we'll restrain ourselves to the dojo."

"But your chains--"

"Will not be used. They are for when I don't mind my opponent dying."


	2. Sparring Family

Duckie Dearest - Part 2

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_Ranma stared in horror at the female Mousse. "I'm so sorry," he said._

_"What for?" she returned. "It's better than being a duck -- and you forget that where I come from, women are better than men."_

_"Still -- I'm sorry. I just gave you another curse."_

_"It's no problem." Mouse shrugged. "I should go talk to Cologne now. She'll be interested in the fact, I think."_

_"You go do that"_

_Mousse turned back. "I won't be attacking you any more. Now that I have what I want, there's no need to pretend an infatuation with Shampoo any more."_

~~~~~~~~~~~

"What did you mean by that, anyway?" Ranma asked as they sparred.

"By what?"

"That you got what you want."

"A man who is also a woman has higher standing among my people than a man who is always a man. I now count as one of the warriors of the tribe."

They fought on.

"It's going to be interesting calling you brother or sister," Mousse said after a while, during a pause.

"What?" Ranma said.

"You're open." A quick blow later, he explained: "Grandmother Cologne has made me family, and Shampoo's half-sibling. Since you are married to her that make me _your_ half-sibling. Odd."

"I'm not married to Shampoo!"

"You are. Notice, however, that we don't object to your interest in Akane. Shampoo does because she doesn't want competition. However, our laws say that it's perfectly acceptable for an outsider husband to have a wife of his own people as well as an Amazon wife. And since you've beaten Shampoo as a girl, as a girl you have higher standing than she and can choose to stay here. All we ask is that you father her children, and if she has any males, you can keep them when she leaves."

"I see." Ranma seemed bitter. "So this whole 'airen' thing is a fake." He looked ready to storm over to the Cat Cafe and pick a serious fight.

"She loves you," Mousse said. "Never doubt that. But Amazon love is not the same as Japanese love. It's something you'll have to deal with."

Ranma stopped attacking suddenly and simply blocked blows until Mousse stopped as well. "So why're you telling me all this?"

"Aren't you happy? I've essentially simplified your fiancÃ©e problem."

"Yeah, but why are you suddenly so supportive of Shampoo?"

"Like I said: I was never in love with her. Besides, she's family now." Mousse bowed formally. "I will see you later, Honored Brother. Good luck with the rest of your day."


	3. Someone Else

Darling Duckie - Part 3

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So. Now the choice was between Ukyou and Akane. Shampoo he had no matter what. Kodachi was crazy and didn't count. And he got the feeling that if he didn't chose someone other than Shampoo, he's wind up just another man back in her village. Suddenly, he was glad of his curse.

But he didn't want either Ukyou or Akane. Not as they were. He didn't want Shampoo either, but that was a moot point. He had her anyway.

Ranma pause to wonder what 'moot' meant.

Okay, so someone was in his head, thinking for him. That would be the narrator. Ah, now he understood.

Anyway. whether or not he wanted Shampoo was a moot point, since he didn't get a choice. Akane -- well, he didn't want a wife who would constantly hit him because of imagined faults. And neither did he want a wife like Ukyou, who was so unsure of her hold over him that she was much too possessive. And unlike Akane, she hid her emotions behind a smile.

With that, Ranma supposed he reached his ultimatum. Either the girls changed for him, or he found somebody else.

Maybe he should go talk to Mom.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Ranma!" Nodoka smiled at her son as he stood a little sheepishly in the doorway. "How are you?"

"I'm confused, Mom," he admitted. "It's about the fiancÃ©es."

"I see," she said. "Come in and we'll discuss it over tea. Okay?"

He obeyed, and soon they were seated at the table with tea and some sweets that remained untouched due to Ranma's nervousness. "Now," Nodoka began, "What's wrong with the fiancÃ©es?"

"Well, I get Shamps whether I want her or not."

"I thought that was how it was to begin with."

"No, I mean: it doesn't matter if I marry someone else. I'm still her husband."

"Dear me," Nodoka said. "Well, that simplifies things, doesn't it?"

"Only slightly. The real problem is with the others."

"Ranma, you know I'll always support Akane as your fiancÃ©e."

"Mom, she's always hittin' me! And for no reason!"

"Oh. I see." She seemed disappointed. "Well then. One of the other Tendo girls, maybe?"

"Nabiki's a mercenary. And I really like Kasumi, but I can't imagine being _married_ to her."

Nodoka sighed. It seemed as though another promise made upon her husband's non-existent honor was going to be broken. "Alright. So the Tendos are out -- unless Akane or Nabiki changes. Am I right?"

"Yeah."

"Then what about Ukyou?"

"Too possessive, too boyish, and she loves her okonomiyaki better'n me."

"So she needs to change first too, then?"

"Yeah."

And another promise. "You could always have only Shampoo."

"I don't wanna live in an Amazon village in China, Mom," Ranma whined. "If I don't have another wife, that's what'll happen."

"So then you'll be looking for someone else."

He nodded.

Well, that wouldn't be too bad. Really, sometimes her husband was such an idiot that she wished _she_ was part of the Amazons. And with two wives, Ranma would be manly indeed. He only needed to find someone else. And with the way he seemed to attract girls, that shouldn't be too hard, should it? "I'll see what I can do," Nodoka said, standing. "Would you like some help with your father?


	4. Shampoo's Husband

Duckie Dearest - Part 4

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"_What_?"

"I'm breaking all engagements."

"You can't! The Saotome honor--"

"Mom says it's unmanly."

Genma paused in fear, but remembering Soun Tendo's demon head, pleaded, "not even one?"

Ranma shook his head emphatically. "If Mr. Tendo gets mad, send him to Mom." And he left.

~~~~~~~~~~

Standing in front of the Neko-Hanten, he paused a moment to settle himself. Then he walked in.

"Son-in-law," Cologne greeted. "What brings you here today?"

"Questions. And after that, I'd like to speak to my wife."

Cologne nodded. "Come in the back. Mousse, cover for me." She closed the door. "Now, what were these questions about?"

"Mousse explained a bit to me of the deal with outsider husbands. What I'd like to know..."

~~~~~~~~~~

Mousse looked up a little apprehensively as the door opened, but when no staff came flying out at her, she relaxed. Shampoo was called in, and the door shut again. Then Cologne came out alone.

Not what I would have done, she said. But you accomplished in two days what I could not in two years. Well done, child.

Thank you, Grandmother, Mousse said.

Cologne took over her usual place and sent Mousse out in Shampoo's stead. During a lull, she brought the topic back up. Why wait so long? I assume you had thought of this before?

Mousse shrugged. A male has no business being smart, she said simply.

Mmm, yes, Cologne said. It seemed that Mousse was really a very intelligent person. She was glad he'd found his solution in a way acceptable to her. In any case, Ranma has agreed to consummate the marriage as long as Shampoo does not gloat. Congratulations on your success.

Mousse ducked her hand and went to serve the customers that had just entered.

~~~~~~~~~~

Around closing time, Ranma came downstairs, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He seemed more relaxed and confident, but an air of startlement clung to him like an old scent. It slowly faded, though, as he smirked at Mousse.

"Good evening," Mousse said. "Did you sleep well?"

"Very well, thank you." He stretched, tightening his shoulders and then relaxing them. "Shampoo will be down in a minute. She's still getting dressed."

Mousse nodded.

Cologne hopped in from the kitchen as their last customers left and stopped Mousse from retreating to clean up just yet. "So," she cackled. "How was it?"

"Very nice," Ranma replied, after a pause. "But how am I going to explain to everyone else? They won't see it the same way."

"I think what we discussed before will work," Cologne said. "You get on home while I explain to Mousse."

Ranma nodded and seemed to disappear, moving extremely fast without really realizing it.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Where have you been, Ranma?" Akane asked, slightly belligerent, as he entered.

"Some more of Cologne's crazy training," he replied, sitting easily at his place for supper. "She's really recruiting me pretty heavily."

Off went the various expected reactions.

"Hey," he said, a little annoyed. "I said that she was recruiting me. That doesn't mean I'm actually joining her."

Surprisingly, Akane calmed before their fathers. She even went so far as to yell at them for jumping to conclusions before Kasumi's look made her blush and fall silent.

Hmm, Ranma thought. Wonder where that came from?


End file.
